Entry Three: Lesson Learned

Thank you, Pierre Bouvier

So, last night, I realized something. When trying out for the Flute solo in this year's marching band show, which I really didn't want, Mr. Angel was trying to tell me what I did wrong and the first thing I did was "Yeah, I know, I don't know why I do that" Oh my GOD! I annoy myself. I don't know why I am such a chicken. I can't accept critisim, why? I have no idea. I really don't. This is the lesson I learned last night, I really need to stop doing that and just accept the fact that yes, people are going to critize me but it's for my better. You know? I never liked that and I have to accept that and not make comments. No excuses. It's just for me to get better. Ugh, sometimes I hate myself.

Anyway, you know what I noticed today....all my of musical influences, they are truly amazing. Never in my life did I think that I would like music that truly makes me feel like someone out there understands what I feel and what I'm going through. They do, they do and that makes me feel so....I can't really explain it. You have no idea how much I want to an inspriation to people. To make them feel like there are people out in this world who know what their going through. If you haven't noticed, at the beggining of every blog I write, I am thanking someone. The first one was Nick Jonas. Nick has diabetes and makes me think that yes, I can live with Bi-Polar and it isn't going to slow me down. The second was Gerard Way, who helped me realize that it's okay to not be okay. And then Pierre Bouvier, who helped me realize that there are people who feel defeated out there, but the thing you have to do is get up and press on.

So many lessons are learned through music for me. I don't know what helps you "see the light", I guess, for lack of better terms, but it's music for me. I can't live without music, can't breathe right without it. That was the moment that said it for me. The moment that told me that I had to do something with music. That I can't let it out of my life because it means too much to me. And I hope that you find that thing that gets you through the day. I don't care what it is, as long as it isn't illegeal or harmful to you or others, just make sure you hold onto it. And if you need anything, let me know. I am always willing to answer questions or just talk to someone. Thank you guys, for everything.

Love,
Paula