Entry Five: Obessions

Thank you, Jordin Sparks.

For those of you who don't know, I am one of those people who easily get's obsessed with something and the obsession never goes away. Take right now, I am obsessed with My Chemical Romance, Simple Plan, the Jonas Brothers and Broadway Musicals. I mean it. After I write this, I am going home and watching a three hour JONAS marathon. Crazy I know, anyway, I just want to let you know that being obsessed with the music a person writes it okay, but crazy stalker fan girls are NOT okay. Okay. Okay.

Anyway, I am also a fan fiction writer, I think that just fuels the obsession. So, I want to tell those of you who actually read this blog that there will be no entry's this week. It's marching Band Camp and I don't think I'm going to want to write about music because I won't give a damn about it. Sorry for the horrible language, but it's true. So, if you do read this, and you're not like Amanda, in a far away country, feel free to comment.

I shall go write now.
Love,
Paula

Entry Four: Lyrics

"But you don't know what you've got 'till it's gone
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low
and everytime you smile or laugh you glow
But you don't even know, know, know."

"'Cause we lost it all
Nothing last forever
I'm sorry I can't be perfect
Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry I can't be
Perfect"

"What will it take to show you that
it's not the life it seems
i've told you time and time again
you sing the words but don't know what it means
to be a jokin look
another line without a hook
i held you close as we both shook
for the last time,
take a good hard look."

Have you ever noticed how much lyrics can change a person's way of thinking? Have you ever wondered what the artist was thinking when their wrote those lyrics. The lyrics that you see above this entry are to the Jonas Brother's "A Little Bit Longer" written by Nick Jonas, Simple Plan's "Perfect" written by Pierre Bouvier and Chuck Comeau and My Chemical Romance's "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" written by Gerard and Mikey Way. Have you ever wondered the thoughts that went through the artists head while they were writing songs? I know what all these guys were thinking, because I've done my research and I'm a fan of all three of those bands, but still. I look at songs like "Alyssa Lies" and just wonders what was going through his head when he wrote such a sad song.

I have lyrics myself, but I'm not going to put them up yet. There's not really a point. Right now I am talking about other's lyrics and what they've done for me. These three songs have pulled me out of so much that I have no idea how to personally thank these artists when I meet them. Yes, I am keeping my head up and saying when I meet them because I know there is going to be a time. I hope that you find the perfect lyrics to fit your life. Find your theme song, in a way. I don't have a theme song, I have a whole theme album, I swear, but that's just who I am. This entry is going to look long but it's short, and for that I'm sorry. But here's today's challenge for you: Find your lyrics. Weather they be your personal lyrics or lyrics from your favorite band, as long as they get you through the hard times, their your life's lyrics.

Love,
Paula

Entry Three: Lesson Learned

Thank you, Pierre Bouvier

So, last night, I realized something. When trying out for the Flute solo in this year's marching band show, which I really didn't want, Mr. Angel was trying to tell me what I did wrong and the first thing I did was "Yeah, I know, I don't know why I do that" Oh my GOD! I annoy myself. I don't know why I am such a chicken. I can't accept critisim, why? I have no idea. I really don't. This is the lesson I learned last night, I really need to stop doing that and just accept the fact that yes, people are going to critize me but it's for my better. You know? I never liked that and I have to accept that and not make comments. No excuses. It's just for me to get better. Ugh, sometimes I hate myself.

Anyway, you know what I noticed today....all my of musical influences, they are truly amazing. Never in my life did I think that I would like music that truly makes me feel like someone out there understands what I feel and what I'm going through. They do, they do and that makes me feel so....I can't really explain it. You have no idea how much I want to an inspriation to people. To make them feel like there are people out in this world who know what their going through. If you haven't noticed, at the beggining of every blog I write, I am thanking someone. The first one was Nick Jonas. Nick has diabetes and makes me think that yes, I can live with Bi-Polar and it isn't going to slow me down. The second was Gerard Way, who helped me realize that it's okay to not be okay. And then Pierre Bouvier, who helped me realize that there are people who feel defeated out there, but the thing you have to do is get up and press on.

So many lessons are learned through music for me. I don't know what helps you "see the light", I guess, for lack of better terms, but it's music for me. I can't live without music, can't breathe right without it. That was the moment that said it for me. The moment that told me that I had to do something with music. That I can't let it out of my life because it means too much to me. And I hope that you find that thing that gets you through the day. I don't care what it is, as long as it isn't illegeal or harmful to you or others, just make sure you hold onto it. And if you need anything, let me know. I am always willing to answer questions or just talk to someone. Thank you guys, for everything.

Love,
Paula

Entry Two: Objective

Thank you, Gerard Way

Okay, for those of you who don't know, what I am trying to do with this is not only figure out who I am and what I'm going to end up doing with my life, but it's also a way to kind of get myself out there, let people know who I am. I take this seriously when I say that I'm just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. I love Journey, just so you know, but it's true. I am crazy to think that I'm not. You see, where I live, the world around me is simply crushed. There's not much you can do, you just go to school and then work, providing you have a job, and then home. We're a typical subburb of Indianapolis. Even the Center of the state, Indianapolis, has more chance than this small town.

I guess all good artists come from small towns. Their the one's who are used to growing up with hard lifes and not exactly getting what they want or deserve. Anyway, now that I've gotten on the first tangent of this blog....the point is, this blog is for me and you. Like I said in the first entry, we're a team here. In the uber cheesy words of High School Musical "We're all in this together." I'm sorry I had to go there, but it's the phrase that came to mind. Anyhoo. Guys, I hope you understand that this is serious. This is me, and I don't know what else to do.

If you want to know the truth, most of the people here have no faith in me. My theater directior isn't sure what to do with me, my choir directior thinks I'm a wasted, hopeless cause and my band directior is just thankful I'm marching this year. My family is great. Minus my brother and my mom sometimes. I come from a very talented family, unfortunatly, they all wasted their talents. Well, I'm not going to do that. I need my chance at fame. I want it. It is my dream after all. Anyway, I hope you guys understand this is is OUR project. Not just my project. Feel free to comment on anything you like.

Love,
Paula

Entry One: Let the Project begin.

Thank you, Nick Jonas.

Well, welcome! For those of you who are looking at this entry for the first time I want to welcome you to one of the biggest projects I honestly think I am ever going to do. I want you all to know that yes, I am a trypical teenage girl, erm...kind of, and the whole reason for me doing this blog is for me to show the world who I am. So, you, by reading this first entry, are going to be apart of this journey with me. You, my lovely readers, are my acountability partners. I know, that's a lot to put on you the first time we start something new, but it's true. You are going to be the people I look too when I am feeling like the whole world is out to get me. Please, understand that I have emotions and I am going to be ranting on here. Also, understand that I have Bi-Polar/Manic depressive disorder and it's hard for me to control my emotions sometimes. Also, like most teenagers, there are times when I just hate the world and don't want to be apart of anything it has to offer.

Now, onto what this whole project is about. From a very young age, I've known I was meant for so much more than where I am now. Now, that's not a stab to where I am and where I've come from, it's just the truth. However, the saddest part of all that is that I just now figured that out. I have been singing and dancing since I was three. THREE. And here I am, fourteen years later, just realizing this stuff. Honestly, it was because I was afraid. For years I have battled with people and judgement. I don't like it, honestly. I also have this huge problem with critisim, but hopefully we can get over that stretch as well. The whole part of this blog is for us, me and you, to help each other. I need you guys. You're my biggest supporters, crtitics, friends and enemy's as well. So, are we in on this together? I hope so.

Thank's for reading the first entry of the Musical discovery project. I hope we can do this.

Peace, Love and Music.
Paula